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Cannabis belongs to the group of hallucinogenic plants pushing someone into a different dimension of consciousness (and laughter). Whether a stoner or not, it is best to have a treasure box of puns for different occasions: at a Friday night party, informal gathering, or a Monday meeting with your boss to loosen the tense atmosphere. And so PlantIn enters the chat! Crack up with our best list of funny weed jokes that you might find helpful in any setting, especially when you're high.
What Are Weed Jokes?
Weed jokes or marijuana funnies are a simple collection of catchy words related to the psychedelic herb. The most humorous come in different forms: poetic, brief but catchy phrases, short stories, an anecdote, a famous line said by someone, or something that is philosophical but sounds a bit funny. Whether wasted or fully conscious, these high jokes or punchlines make anyone laugh!
But, disclaimer! Stoner jokes might not be appropriate, depending on your circumstances, in a casual or formal setting. If you are with a bunch of close friends, insider jokes are always a go-to. Of course, you would also want to refrain from saying something vulgar in a formal meeting. In any case, remember, it is always the delivery that makes a joke funny!
Weed Jokes Quotes
Stoner jokes one-liners are often philosophical-sounding quotes that simultaneously make you think profound and hilarious. Here are some of the all-time classic examples:
- "Weed doesn't make you cool. It makes you high."
- "Herb is the healing of a nation; alcohol is the destruction." (Bob Marley).
- "I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H-bomb blast." (Ronald Reagan).
- "There's a growing trend of older Americans using marijuana in retirement. That makes sense because old people always talk about their joints." (Jimmy Fallon).
- "If the whole world smoked a joint simultaneously, there would be peace for at least two hours, followed by a global food shortage."
- "The Illinois Senate passed a bill on Wednesday legalizing medical marijuana. The bill was passed after the state senator said, 'Come on, dude, pass it. Come on.'" (Jimmy Fallon).
Dad Jokes about Weed
These jokes will make you sound like your dad (in the best way possible):
- I told my doctor I had joint problems, and he told me to roll them tighter. (Or, you could get a pre-roll from Tough Mama.)
- Confucius says, "He who smokes weed on the toilet is high on pot."
- What do you call it when joint ash burns a hole in your shirt? Pothole.
- What do you call a stoner frog? Rippit Rippit.
- My stoner neighbors got divorced, but it's okay because they got joint custody.
- How many stoners does it take to change a light bulb? Nah, man, they got lighters.
- What do you call a fly on marijuana? A High Flyer.
- Chicken pot pie. These are my three favorite things.
- How do you know if you know someone is a true pothead? When their bongs get cleaned more often than their dishes!
- I never realized so many Muslims smoked weed; I always hear about them getting stoned…
Weed Puns for Couples
If you are looking for funny high jokes to impress your special other, the following list features the most catchy ones:
- Before putting a signature on a letter, a stoner would write "Weed love,."
- How did the stoner propose to his wife? Marriage, Juana?
- What did the stoner say to his girlfriend? "I love you more than the leaf itself."
- My girlfriend is a stoner who works at a hotel fixing whatever breaks. She's kind of high-maintenance.
- Why do stoners make great couples? They finish each other's sandwiches.
- What did the stoner's girlfriend say? If I can't marry a dude, I'll Mary Jane.
- Call me Spiderman, because I'm in love with Mary Jane.
- Weed be perfect together. I know weed end up together.
- Dating used to be a dinner and a movie, but now it's dick & dank.
- Cannabe your valentine?
- Juana be my valentine?
Halloween Stoner Jokes
Some 420 jokes work well for the 31st of October or any friend's Friday night party. Why not have two holidays for the price of one?
- Happy halloweed!
- What food does a stoner serve his guests at a party? Pot Roast.
- A stoner stumbles out of a party and starts to walk home. On the way, he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps to the stoner and screams, "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles, and says, "You're an ambulance!"
- What did the stoner at the party say just before the cops showed up? Let's blow this joint!
- What do you call the dude that brings shrooms to a party? A fungi
- A stoner called the fire department and said, "Come quick, my house is on fire!" The Fireman who responded asked, "How do we get there?" The stoner says, "DUH, in a big red truck!"
- Are you a drug? Cause I marijuana (maybe wanna) take you home with me tonight.
- How do you know when you are stoned? When you are too phoned to stone home.
- Making plans with a stoner is like being with a prostitute. They tell you they're coming, but you know it's a lie.
Dumb High Jokes
These puns might be dumb, so dumb that it's genius. Here's for everyone who likes to tell some dumb funny jokes when high:
- A cop asks the guy, "How high are you?" The guy responded with, "No, officer. It's 'Hi, how are you?' "
- Why were the welder and stoner such good friends? They both love to spark up joints.
- The other day my friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. I guess he was high on my list of priorities.
- A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier. Shocked, the cashier asks," What's this for?" He hesitantly replies, "Me here to open a joint account."
- Two Hippies are walking down a railroad track stoned. One Hippie says "This is a really long fucking staircase!" The other Hippie says, "I don't mind the stairs; it's this low fucking handrail that's killing me."
- A college professor was known for getting off-topic during lectures. His favorite off-topic subject was the evils of marijuana. One day into his class, he started talking about weed, "Used regularly," he explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer, and castration!" Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? Now that's absurd!" "Yes, young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
- A pothead finds a strange-looking oil lamp in the trash and rubs it to clean it up when out pops a genie: "I grant you three wishes for releasing me!" The pothead says, "Okay, for my first wish: I want a never-ending blunt made from the finest Sour Diesel!" Poof! He has a fat six-inch blunt in his hand. He takes a few tokes and is delighted by the delicious flavor and high, so he sits back and relaxes. Then the genie says, "Hey, you have two more wishes, remember?" "Oh, yeah ... lemme see ... I'll have two more of these
- Marijuana should've been legalized at the same time as same sex-marriage, because it says in the bible a man who lies with another man shall be stoned.
Short Weed Puns
A funny weed joke from this list might be short but will cause at least an hour-long laughter after it's told.
- Purple haze got me in a daze.
- Weed all do respect…
- When in doubt, smoke it out.
- Pass joints not judgements.
- A friend with a weed is a friend indeed.
- Struggle is the enemy but weed is the remedy.
- Rolling joints is like riding a bike. Once you learn, you will never forget.
- Weed is good, weed is fine. If you share your weed, I'll share mine..
- I got 99 problems but 420 solutions.
- UNDER the influence, but ABOVE the ignorance.
- Weedon't do drugs.
Knock Knock Weed Jokes
Knock, knock! Who's there? The funny stoner jokes are here! The funniest pot jokes that will make you stand out in a knock knock game are listed below:
Weed you like to have a dance with me?
🎵 Country roads, take me home, To the place I belong, West VirJANEia, mountain mama, Take me home, country roads!
A-MARY-ca is a great nation.
You mary-st in peace (You may rest in peace)
"High can buy myself flowers," said Miley Cyrus.
Smokerel is an important food fish that is consumed worldwide.
Apot from that, everything is not funny.
Weedjoke-ulate is synonymous to “to exclaim suddenly.”
What a weeducational movie!
Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just Juana lay in my bed. (Bruno Mars)
What Are Some Stoner Sayings?
Regarding stoner sayings, some short but catchy phrases have become a motto for many. For example, two friends can swear, "a friend with a weed is a friend indeed," to each other's promise.
What Are Funny Nicknames for Weed?
Various slang terms exist to subtly refer to weed, and some are hilariously funny because of the origin of why it was used, which includes 420, dank, parachute, a bag of bones, good giggles, Houdini, or asparagus.
What Are Nicknames for People who Smoke Weed?
From stylish nicknames such as Cannabisseur, Spliff Queen, or Space Cowboy to a more traditional pothead, dope, or weedie, people who smoke weed are so creative with naming their buddies that they have come up with their own dictionary.
Now you're all set! Tell some jokes; if they don't giggle, it's them, not you. You're funny. Right? R i g h t?